


love is more thicker than forget

by Rupzydaisy



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Gen, Gift Giving, Grief/Mourning, Nile Freeman-centric, andromaquynh, immortal found family feels, quynh returns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:46:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26991616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rupzydaisy/pseuds/Rupzydaisy
Summary: There's a Quynh-shaped hole in their family, and Nile learns more about her from the pieces left behind, kept safe, in the hope of her return.
Relationships: Andromache of Scythia & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova & Nile Freeman, Andy | Andromache of Scythia & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolò di Genova & Quynh | Noriko, Andy | Andromache of Scythia & Nile Freeman, Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Nile Freeman & Quynh | Noriko
Comments: 12
Kudos: 107





	love is more thicker than forget

**Author's Note:**

> No beta, all repetitive sentence structures and bad comma placements are my fault.  
> I lament for the state of my brain. This was supposed to be a drabble.  
> Also I subscribe to the school of thought that Andy is absolutely 'if I loved you less, I could talk about it more' about Quynh  
> Fic title is from a poem by e.e.cummings

_it is more sane and sunly_ _  
_ _and more it cannot die_ _  
_ _than all the sky which only_ _  
_ _is higher than the sky_ _  
_ _-e.e.cummings_

* * *

There's some of Quynh's things stashed around in their more safer-safehouses. 

Nile doesn't notice it as they flit from one safe house to another, not until they hunker down at one of Andy's older haunts in a small flat on the outskirts of Cairo while the dark skies rip open and torrential rain pours to the ground in great sheets to meet the bursting river that is her namesake. 

The downpour keeps them cooped up indoors for two whole days and scraps her sightseeing plans, but it also grants them enough time to pack up without rushing. It makes a nice change from skipping out of town in the dead of night, or worse, before breakfast. 

She packs up the last of her belongings from the bathroom, toothbrush, toothpaste, and slips on her necklace after finishing up in the shower. 

Then Nile double checks the cabinet, in case one of the others left something in there, only to find one thing on the shelf. 

It's a small comb, dulled metal but engraved with simple flowers and trailing vines. It has an artisan's deftness, clearly not machine produced because she can't see a manufacturer's stamp anywhere on it. 

"Andy, is this yours?" She calls out, her voice echoing across the tiles to hear Andy’s soft footsteps approach the bathroom. 

Leaning out of the doorway, Nile holds it out to show her, and watches as Andy comes to a dead stop in the hallway, with her jaw locked tight. 

She blinks once. "Leave it where you found it." 

"You don't want to take it?" 

Andy goes to open her mouth, but says nothing, and then backs off into their shared bedroom. It leaves Nile looking down at the comb in her hand, puzzled at the reaction, until Joe slopes down the corridor with a pair of folded jeans in his hands. 

He slumps up against the side of the doorframe, forehead head pressed against his hand where he leans against the split wood. He heaves out a sigh with his eyes on her hands. "It's not anything to do with you. The comb is Quynh's." 

Suddenly, Nile's grip around it flutters and her fingers slip around to cradle it in her palms. 

"Oh. Right."

"We've kept her things. Whatever we can, whatever stands the test of time."

It's an unspoken sentiment among the others, that one day, Quynh would be back amongst them. Nile feels that hope. It gets smothered by their concern each time she wakes up gasping from her shared nightmares, but it exists, it endures, even as the fragile thing they've defended as the years have rolled on. 

When Nile looks back down at the comb, it feels like a trespass and all the more real. She has to lean back against the sink and breathe slowly and push back against the not-memory of salt water inside her mouth. 

"I see."

Joe offers her a weak smile, eyes still fixed on the comb, and then he turns around to finish off his packing. 

Nile holds it in her hands for a few moments longer, lets the warmth in her hands from the hot shower sink into the metal. Her fingers trace over the thin teeth, and she wonders if Quynh was the last person to use it, and if somehow her fingerprints have now settled on top of where hers used to be, just like her underwater screams have settled in Nile's throat. 

She shuts her eyes tight and turns back to the cabinet to replace it on the shelf as gently as she can. 

_One day, Quynh, one day._

* * *

There's a metal cabinet with a keypad lock in the living room in the Vienna safehouse which acts as a crossover of something between an outdated weapons storage and a time capsule. Nicky pulls her towards it while Andy and Joe argue over divvying up the task of washing up and drying the dinner plates and pots left on the sideboard. 

Once he's unlocked it, she leans in to see their collection of swords, sabres, and the other knick knacks they've decided to hold onto for more sentimental reasons. Most of the blades remain in their sheaths or wrapped in cloths, and it's clear that they've taken care of these ones better than those she's seen stuffed into umbrella holders and dangling off coat hooks. 

Nicky lets her parse her way through, promising a few good stories as he sets about pulling out a tray and cups for some after dinner coffee. Then he heads into the kitchen to fill up the percolator and she crouches down to take a look at the boxes on the shelves. 

She’s careful as she looks around, the blades are still blades, after all. The bottom shelf has two boxes. The smaller one contains a pair of daggers, gold filigree and gems, and the sheer amount of decorative crafting over it suggests they are not for combat use. It makes her wonder who might have gifted them in the first place.

Setting it aside, she lifts the lid on the other box, long with something slim wrapped up inside. After resting it on her knees, Nile slips off the coverings and finds it’s a hand carved bow, smooth and old, another reminder of her family’s age as they stride from era to era. When Nicky pads back into the room with the brewing coffee and his slippers scuff against the floorboards, she turns to see him looking back a bit sheepish 

Then he nods at the box in her hands. "Ah, that one you won't be able to draw." 

"Is it the weight?" Nile looks down at the unstrung bow and tries to imagine it in her hands. "Too much for a beginner like me, but not for a master Genovese archer, right?" 

His smile tips sideways, twitching up a little, and his voice is gentle in its correction. "It is Quynh's favourite…And I think that the wood is perhaps too fragile to be handled now, but we still have it." 

Again, Nile feels her misstep, even though it was an unintentional one. 

She's died alongside them more than a handful of times now, been helped back up to her feet by Joe or one of the others. She's been held tight in Andy's arms while crying over her mom and her brother, and the abrupt end of her old life. It’s clawed at her insides, made her feel inexplicably sick if she thinks about it for too long, but they’ve helped hold her together. Her ranting and sighing about how inexplicable and _goddam insane_ her newfound immortality is only got a heaping of endearing patience from Joe. On top of that, she's woken up screaming more than a few times, to hear Nicky roll over and swing his feet down onto the floor before crossing the gap between their beds so that he could sit on the floor and hold her hand. 

Little by little, they've learnt more of her secrets, and in turn, Nile’s learnt theirs. But the extent of her knowledge about the missing member of their family remains as vast as the ocean the woman is trapped under. 

So, Nile swallows thickly, and finds a scrap of courage. 

"Tell me, about her?" She wipes a hand across the layer of dust on the side of the box and sets it down on the table. "Joe said she was a pit viper in a fight." 

Nicky hums softly, and his hand reaches out to touch the wood. It shines under the ceiling light. "She has a bright soul. Quick to laugh."

Quick to interrupt from the doorway with milk in hand, Joe snorts. "Yeah, from her own filthy jokes. But insightful. The best out of all of us when we have to strategise our next job." 

He moves forward to set the milk bottle down on the table and takes a seat. Nile copies, sitting beside him. She tucks a leg up, sitting comfortably on the worn chair padding. The legs creak under her but she ignores it and watches Joe pour out the steeped coffee for everyone. 

Dragging a chair out, Nicky joins them. "And better dancer than me. But not as good as Andy." 

"She can sing too, beautifully. I miss hearing her.” Joe picks up, “When we used to travel by horse and camp out under the stars, we would draw straws for who would set up camp and who would be entertaining in the evening."

Nicky is just as quick to smile at the fond memories. "We all would win if Quynh was singing."

Behind them, there's a louder creaking of floorboards as Andy enters the small room, wiping her damp hands on her trousers. She reaches for her cup and pours in her milk before passing it along to Joe. Then, after stirring it longer than it needed to be with the spoon tinkling loudly against the vintage porcelain, she keeps her eyes fixed on the rising steam. 

But there's words trapped behind her lips, and the three of them sit in silence, waiting for her to unhook them from her tongue. 

"Quynh could stand in the middle of the battlefield, unhorsed and swordless, but with a bow-" With some hesitation, Andy looks up at the contents of the box, "Cut her way back to you."

"Bravest woman in the world. Excluding present company, boss." 

When Joe grins at her, Andy inclines her head slightly before offering one back. It’s not as tenuous as Nile thinks it could have been. And it breaks the tension in the small room. With her hot coffee in between her hands, Nile settles back in her chair and lets their stories patchwork together around the image of the screaming, drowning woman never far from her mind. 

That night, when she dreams again of the burning in her lungs, of the cold water and an endless, crushing but brief existence, she feels a fraction less of the rage she had before.

* * *

Nile notices it more now that she knows what to look out for. 

There's the spare cutlery in some of the drawers, which strikes her odd in the first instance, until she comes across the extra sets of clothes in at least four wardrobes that are in neither of hers or Andy's style, if they were going to choose what to wear rather than grab and go. 

Then there was the corner of a hideaway tucked deep into a cavern that reminds her of Andy's mine in the south of France, only this one was different because it was stacked up with crates that none of them dip into as they restock their ammo and fish out the least-rusted blades. 

When they cross the equator and the seasons flip around to give them long days, it gives them extra time to sit on the balcony and enjoy the evening breeze. So, Andy splits a deck of cards and Nicky begins to take her through the rules of a game which have been needlessly complicated over the centuries. No less than two hands in, Nile suddenly ends up with three times as many cards and Joe tries to soften the blow by explaining that Quynh would have wiped the floor with all of them, having perfected her poker face before poker or even paper cards were invented. 

Too often, Nile still wakes up in a cold sweat, feeling the crushing weight on her lungs and a depth of rage that doesn't belong under her skin. It takes time to untangle the fear that is Quynh’s and the fear that is her own, and slowly she comes back to herself. 

But Andy's there too, awake on the other side of the room or following out when she hears movement in the hallway. She had done it all before with Booker, all the late nights and the silent screaming, holding him as he pushed away the fear of water. Right up until he had begun to pretend the dreams didn't bother him. 

Only now Andy knew better, and from the start she had made Nile swear on her mom that she'd always wake her up if it got bad. And Nile had agreed to it, although she hadn't needed to yet, not with Andy somehow having a sixth sense for her disturbed dreams. 

"Another one of _those_ nights, huh?" Andy now asks as she follows her down the hallway

She leaves the main light off, but flicks on the lamp on the coffee table. It gives off enough light for them both to navigate their way across the open plan room without smacking their shins or tripping over the loose edge of the carpet. Nile hesitates by the sink with her hands over the tap before forcing out a hum that gives the blandest of confirmations. 

She holds on to the basin a little for longer, and then hears the slow, even breaths Andy huffs out in the dark behind her. 

It helps, a bit. 

Seconds pass and Nile thinks she can face the noise, twisting the tap on to hear the water trickle out slowly before reaching down to wash her face and scrub the sleep off with the damp dishcloth on the side. Then she groans and walks back far enough to tip over the back of the sofa, feeling the night chill set off goosebumps over her arms. 

It’s a touch dramatic, but she doesn’t care. Instead, she stretches her legs out along the sofa and watches as Andy hops over the side to do the same, bare toes digging in between the seat cushions. "Wanna tell me about it?" 

"Quynh was...is…" 

It makes Nile pause while she tries to work her way past the swirl of emotions that had been thrumming through every single nerve. Because knowing _you're_ not dying in a dream, but knowing it _was_ happening to someone else at the exact same time, still didn't mean that it didn't _feel_ real. It was real. 

Especially when it took longer to shake off with whatever connecting them wrapping her thoughts and Quynh's so tight together. At times it was hard to know where she began and Quynh ended, even after she'd opened her eyes in her own bed. 

In the half-dark, Andy clears her throat and whispers, "When I saw her, for the first time, in my dreams, I was so happy. It took me a long time to find her, so many dreams, visions of her after that." 

She laughs, and it’s not a laugh Nile’s heard before. 

The sound is thick and smothered quickly so that it doesn't have the chance of travelling back down the hallway to wake Joe and Nicky up. But it does a good job with helping to break the resounding echo of muffled screaming still trapped in Nile's ears. 

She shifts against the arm of the sofa, ducking her head against the closest pillow to get a bit more comfortable, just as Andy takes another deep breath in to continue. She had been slow to join in the conversations when Nile's asked after Quynh before, she's always preferred to sit and listen. In the low lamplight, Andy's just a curled-up figure with a pillow bunched in her arms. Normally there's a veil of tiredness cast over her, or Nile can spot a hint of shame or anger trapped in her eyes behind the haunted smiles the memories coax out of her. 

Nile listens as she laughs under her breath again, instead of melting into the shadows. "What is it?"

"I think about all the time wasted between knowing she walked the earth, and finding her... and I think it must have been too damn long. But I've never forgotten that first dream. I felt so much hope seeing her." 

She used to think hindsight was everything, but when you can look back and find the memories blurring and slipping under the frothy backwash, it can just leave you worse off, clinging to the handful of moments that your grief leaves you. 

Her mom had struggled but together they kept the memory of her father alive and he was never far from their thoughts when they needed to feel his presence. It helped her mom and her brother weather the storm of his loss. Hindsight was nothing when compared to that. Not when someone is loved so dearly. 

Quynh's living memory had been carried across the years with a tenderness shared between the three of them which preserved it. 

She was still with them, even when she wasn't.

"Tell me." Nile whispers, goosebumps prickling her arms, suddenly more desperate to hear how their first meeting happened.

* * *

They head as far inland as possible when Quynh surfaces and returns to them, to their small family. 

It started off as a bizarre dance with five centuries of change on their part and none on hers aside, from the creeping thickness of her rage and the unravelling of her sanity in the darkness. But now that she was out in the light and with solid ground under her, Quynh slowly comes back to herself as a living, breathing woman, and by the time she tracks down Booker, then Nile, their whole, small family is there reaching right back to her in every, unconditional way. 

In a brief phone call, Andy had told Copley it was a _family road trip,_ and left him to put two and two together. It's like the gravity has changed within the group. No longer the case of moving to keep hiding, or racing towards their next job, and Nile thinks it’s a welcome change too. 

Especially when the only water in sight is in the tanks strapped into the back of the sand blasted trucks they pile into. 

The vast expanse of desert is a familiar sight to Quynh. The crossing goes the same way as most of their long-haul trips have done, windows down with Andy driving, only this time the front seat is Quynh's and Quynh's alone. Every so often Andy's hand drifts across from the gearstick and she reaches across the smallest of distances to lace her fingers between hers. 

Whenever they stop to stretch their legs, the music is paused and reconnected, the wire passes between Joe and Nicky and Nile, and all their good humour is wedged into the backseat. Their joking and banter is accompanied by the occasional request thrown over Andy's shoulder along with a squeeze of her hand and a " _You'll like this one, promise."_

Nile's sunglasses flash and catch the light off the side of the windshield, and she watches with a smile when Nicky rummage in his backpack to hand over a spare cap to Quynh, right before she walks over to dole out a second top up of high-factor sun cream to the pair of them. 

It makes her wonder, _it’s not always like this, but it’ll be like this from now, right?_

Night falls quickly and brings with it a chill that has them shrugging on their jumpers and socks. A beautiful sunset throws blush pinks and ochre and gold right before the sand swallows up the last of the sun. It's picture perfect, just like a vacation and Nile races to build the campfire. Behind her, Joe whistles while hoisting up the tents and rolling out their sleeping bags for later.

The broken tunes melt into the falling darkness and slip over the conversation by the truck. 

"These wires feed back into the engine." Nicky points out with his head bent over the exposed mechanical innards. 

Even from way over by the campfire, Nile can see Quynh frowning back at him. From the corner of her eye, Nile watches as she carefully reaches under the popped hood to hold her fingers over the cooling engine. Her drive to learn matched how she had spent a good portion of the ride engrossed in the cassette player and amusing herself with rewinding the loose tapes. 

"More intricate workings than a horse." 

"Got cup holders too." Andy adds, ducking her chin over Quynh's shoulder, and they both lean into each other. 

Quynh asks back, "Will the wonders ever cease?"

"Not with you around." 

The lightness of it brings another smile to Nile’s face and beside them Nicky gives a soft snort as he wipes off the oil from his hands. She jerks her head sideways and he nods, leaving the two women leaning up against the side of the truck and comes over to help her and Joe with the tents.

Not long after, they settle around the crackling fire, wrapped in thick blankets. Above the skies are clear and while the navy darkness matches the water beneath the waves hundreds of miles away, it is also nothing alike, not when it's studded with stars and Quynh is in Andy's arms, and Nile is nightmare-free, and their family has been slowly piecing itself back together. 

So far from shore, Quynh breathes easily with the fire casting a glow on her face. It's easy with the solid weight that is Andy tucked right beside her, and she listens as Nile shares a story from high school in Chicago, trades it with one of her own dredged up from the swirl of memories she feared were too waterlogged to survive the past five centuries.

This time her smile is mischievous when it's aimed at Nile. "I want to see Chicago, one day." 

"I don't care who else has lived in Chicago, for however long..." Nile butts in before anyone else does. "I'm going to be the tour guide on that trip." 

It sets off another round of laughter, she takes it as an official confirmation from the lot of them.

"We have some things for you, my love." Andy says to Quynh once the tea boils and gets poured out to keep them warm as the temperature drops further. 

Nicky's bright eyes light up and like the rest of them he buzzes with thinly veiled excitement. "It's not much, we only brought what we could gather quickly."

Then Joe stands and stretches his shoulders until they pop, before racing over to the truck to bring back a bag to drop into her lap. "There's more...well, all over the place. I think Nicky has a crateful in Porto?" 

"The crate can wait." Andy rolls her eyes as the idea of lugging it through the desert. 

But Quynh is already sitting up, suddenly off balance by all their attention, "Gifts? What is this?" 

She pulls out a necklace made of seashells carefully gathered and matched. It had been restrung twice over the years when the thread had begun to crumble, despite it never being worn. "I remember, Nicolo…you gave it to me." 

He moves to his knees to fix the clasp for her, and then it settles around her neck. "'This one is new, but almost the same, no?" 

“Yes. It’s beautiful.” Her hand reaches up to squeeze his, and he nods happily before shuffling back to his spot and shucking on the blankets again. She tips her head. "Joe? You have a gift for me too?" 

The mock-expectation in her voice draws out a hearty chuckle from him. This time he walks back to the truck and slides out a long plastic board from a bundle strapped together. "Of course I have l, dear sister. But I think it's best to save it for the morning. Look, sandboards...I'll teach you how to fly down the dunes before breakfast."

"Sandboards? Is this not for children?" 

"Depends on the size of the dune." He flashes a daring grin back at her. "Depends on how much an adrenaline junkie you are." 

Her grin back is equally wolfish. "If I had known I would be sliding down sand dunes...I am not sure if it was worth the trouble of returning to the surface for this."

"Take that back." Wrapping her arms around her, Andy immediately hisses in protest. 

She accompanies it with jabbing her fingers into Quynh's sides and tickling mercilessly until she writhes and huffs out jolted apologies in between catching her breath, only for them to vanish between Andy’s lips with a hasty medley of kisses. The sound of her giggles has them all smiling and laughing back again. Every time they hear it, it washes over them with pure relief. 

It makes Nile sigh happily as she thinks, _this, this was how it's meant to be, a family._

"Okay, my turn." Andy doesn't have to move to retrieve hers. She only reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a small, cylindrical container. Inside, something rattles, and Quynh pops open the lid to shake out a small lump of rock. 

"A stone?" 

"From the seventies." She nods back, looking a little smug.

Nicky breathes out in his disbelief, leaning a little closer. "You didn't?" 

"It fell into some hands, and then mine. I hung onto it." 

Quynh stares down at it. "A small rock?"

"Is that- no way. Is that actually moon rock?" Nile stutters out, leaning dangerously closer to the fire while trying to get a better look at the uneven grey mass.

"Moon rock." Andy elaborates, just as Quynh's face tips upwards to the sky and the half crescent hanging in the dark. "The desert and the seas are not the furthest horizons anymore, and planes are not the only things that touch the heavens."

There's a brief look of disbelief, even as her fingers brush against the rock in her hand. 

Then Quynh leans further back against Andy and demands eagerly to hear more. "Seventies, so this is new?"

Joe obliges, "The Americans landed on the moon in sixty-nine. But the Russians sent up a man first, and a dog before that."

"A _dog_?"

"We'll show you the videos after dinner." Andy promises, yet another she can keep, and tightens her arms around Quynh before pressing a kiss to the side of her face and receives one back in turn. 

“My turn! I've got something for you too." Nile dips her hand into the side pocket of her bag to take out a retro looking disposable camera. "So, it's not anything as mind blowing as an actual bit of the moon, but it's been on my mind. Anyway, Andy's got a thing about tech that's all hooked up and hackable. But _this_ is instant." 

Leaning forward, Quynh is intrigued by the gift plonked into her palms. "How does it work?"

She lets Andy's hands cover her own and bring the viewfinder up to her eye. She takes a moment to look through the lens and the narrowed-down world within where Nicky tips his chin to face her better and where Joe pulls Nile closer so that she's definitely in the shot once she’s sat back down. 

"Now what?"

"You move your finger here," Andy directs, gently nudging her finger across to press down on a part that sinks in and springs back. The flash goes off and Quynh drags her head back, blinking from the after image behind her eyelids. 

"Is it broken?" She asks dubiously while it whirs under her hands and slowly spits out the freshly printed photo. 

"No, if it's dark, it'll give off a flash of light, so the picture comes out better. See. You'll have to keep your hands steady so that it doesn't blur." 

When Quynh flips the warm paper over, she sees them, and her small frown melts away. "And I can take pictures of anything? Like the stars? What about you?" 

"You'll need a better camera for the stars. But I'll happily be your muse."

Immediately, Quynh turns the camera towards her, just as Andy bumps her head against Quynh's cheek, looking for all the world like a woman swept up in an extraordinary, enduring love. 

It's just one short moment in a long lifetime of fleeting moments, pressed up close and eyes flowing with love. 

But Nile moves quicker and gently whisks the camera from Quynh's hand to snap the moment on the film for them. 

It whirrs and Quynh drums her fingers on her legs now she knows how long to wait until she can pluck out the new print. "I like this one." 

"Wait until you've learnt how to do selfies." Nicky quips, drawing out the word that she mouths back, trying to see if she can glean the meaning of it herself. 

Nile’s quick to make her offer. “We’ll add it to the list. Selfies 101 after Joe’s sandboarding lesson.” 

With a nod, Quynh settles herself back beside Andy, and the gleam in her eye doesn’t fade all evening. It seems like a shift in things for Nile, because since they set their actual eyes on each other Quynh would often look up and her dazed eyes would catch Nile's, seemingly lost for a moment either in the new noises or sights around her. 

She had been doing it more often and over the past few days, and Nile made it a point to not look away. Not with the echo of the tug in her heart running along the same invisible thread from her dreams that anchored her back to Quynh. Even without saying it from across the room or over her shoulder, she means it; _I’m here. You’re here. We got you._

It was true that Quynh’s fear and pain still ran deep, in the same way they'd all quickly understood it would take its own time to be burnt away in the sunlight above the water's surface. In the same way Andy had taken to orientating herself around her, never too far away if needed but with enough space for Quynh to learn and experience the new world around her. 

Although she felt the occasional uneasiness, Nile knew she didn't understand it fully. 

The length of time was incomprehensible; the depth of the loss they had felt, how long Andy had grieved her absence. Being in the presence of it for a mere six months made her like a child again, looking up at her mom and wondering if the tears for her dad would ever stop. 

But she also knew she didn't need to understand it all. 

Nile had faith that one day the leftover nightmares wouldn't put a frantic spike in her heartbeat or a sinking feeling in her gut, and then someday after that, Quynh could look out at the open water that had been her prison with a well earnt peace. 

It was only a matter of time now that she was home again, and they had plenty of it.

**Author's Note:**

> sooo, lots of moon rocks have gone missing over the years, i feel like it's just something that would wind it's way into their collections at some point  
> not really ignored booker - he's still grounded on the naughty step somewhere in France and not allowed on family road trips  
> i'm @rupzydaisy on tumblr if you want to come say hi


End file.
